sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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