Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My life is pants optional.
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