I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you win again, gameday.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Randomize
