So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
