margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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