2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
