that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
