dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
