I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
