He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
