I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
