Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
