I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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