Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
