I wannas sexs uuuuu
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
