Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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