SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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