I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
