I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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