Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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