he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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