apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
