erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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