Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
