Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
