I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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