Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
