In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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