That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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