life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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