I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
