tonight lets celebrate not being married
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
