i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This house was built for laser tag.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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