2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
