I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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