I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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