I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
