Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
