omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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