Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
