Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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