I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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