so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
