I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
