Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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