apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
