He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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