so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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