omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
