so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
